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I'm almost broke, can God provide?

There’s nothing scarier than seeing your bank account slowly dip into double digits.

It was here in a season of unemployment that I was becoming really desperate. I was sure that God had called me out of my corporate job. Any time he wanted me to leave a job, he had a unique way of telling me and I was sure that this time was one of them.

This time round, the circumstances had become unbearable. I had become ill and was mentally drained, but before leaving I had prayed if it was God’s will and not my own. The prompting I felt in my Spirit, in addition to the circumstances which were making it difficult for me to do even fifteen minutes of work, led me to resign.

It was here that I prayed that I no longer wanted to be in this field of work - which I felt was slowly killing me mentally and spiritually. I prayed that God would allow me to live in my purpose (more precisely to use my gifts and talents to glorify him, and to earn an income through it).

As soon as I resigned, I thought the most obvious thing to do was to start a business (my mistake was trying to do things my way in the business instead of submitting to God). In the back of my mind, I still had my old field of work as a safety net. I thought that if anything happened, I could still re-enter because of my solid experience.

After a couple of months of not seeing any financial results, I started applying for jobs again. I didn’t ask God, I just thought it made sense because I didn’t want to live on my savings. I hadn’t given up on the business at this point, I just wanted a steady flow of income to put my mind at ease.

Even though I applied for jobs, I only managed to get one interview which I was rejected for.

I started to become frustrated, why wouldn’t God open any door? How would I support myself financially? At this time, I wasn’t living at home but staying with a relative and was contributing financially out of the little I had. I was praying for an opportunity but it felt like all doors were closed.

I began to feel extremely low and depressed. The heaviness on me felt suffocating, almost like it was persuading me to end it all. My spirit wrestled with God for help. I knew that God was faithful and a provider but I had only experienced his financial provision through jobs. I only understood God’s provision through natural means but that was all about to change.

One afternoon, as I lay depressed on my relative's bed, I realised I had a missed call. I didn’t recognise the number and so I checked the number for any matches in my phone. The number came up in an old youth event WhatsApp group which was no longer active. To my surprise, it was the Youth Director of my church conference. I was confused. I had only seen this person at youth events when they preached. Why would they be calling me?

A thought passed through my mind that maybe God had heard my prayer and was sending someone to speak to me. I called the number back but it went straight to voicemail. I felt silly for thinking it was God and brushed it off as an accident. The battle in my mind became stronger. One part of me fighting that God would help me and the other telling me I was abandoned, he wasn’t coming through.

Three days later, still in low spirits and wrestling, I received a call from the same number again. I answered and found myself speaking with the Youth Director. He knew my name and asked if I knew who it was. When I said I did, he asked if everything was ok. In my lack of trust (and probably pride), I hesitated and then told him I was fine. He probably didn’t believe me but with nothing more to say he accepted. He also apologised for calling twice, he said he was actually meant to call someone else but every time he’d tried to call them, he’d called my number instead.

After the call, I felt impressed on my heart that maybe God had sent someone to help me. I sent a text message explaining that I had said I was fine on instinct and that I wasn’t, so I asked him to pray for me.

I expected nothing more than a text message saying, ‘Ok, no worries, I’ll keep you in my prayers’, but five minutes later, he called me back! He told me he was happy that I’d called back, that he knew I wasn’t fine but he didn’t want to push the situation. He said he believed that this was a divine appointment and not a coincidence. After hearing my situation, he set me up with a hardship fund where I received £300.

I was shocked and it was in that moment that I realised that God did see me. I had started to feel abandoned and that maybe I had misheard God in leaving my last job. Now, in my spirit, it felt like God was saying ‘I can stop the most busiest person to meet the needs of my children.’

It was here, in my place of despair, that God revealed himself to me in a supernatural way. He revealed himself as my provider. And he also revealed my lack of trust in him when it came to asking for his direction. I had relied on my own understanding when it came to setting up a business and applying for jobs, thinking my way was best. Now I could clearly see that it wasn’t my job that took care of me, it was God. If I had never been through this trial, I would never have experienced him at the level of his supernatural grace. I would have stayed knowing him as God the Job-Giver and not Jehovah Jireh (The Lord our Provider). The money was just enough to carry me through the season of staying with my relative until God provided for me again and eventually led me elsewhere.

This revelation of God reminded me of the story of creation in Genesis. The Lord decided to create plant life, trees and vegetation on the third day (Genesis 1:11-13) and then he created the sun on the fourth day (Genesis 1:14-19). Naturally, we would have expected God to create the sun first, however, this order of events showed me that he is the one that gives life and sustains it. He is not limited in what he can do. I was reminded to be careful of replacing God with different suns (jobs, investments, business, loans, people), anything I thought could provide for me in his place.

God is our ultimate sun and shield (Psalm 84:11). Our one and only provider. When you believe this, your changing circumstances will no longer threaten you. Instead of seeking another form of provision from the hand of the world, you will go and humbly seek from the hand of God, wanting to know his next step for you. Believe that God sees you, he hears you and he will come through for you. He wants you to know him and he wants to reveal himself to you.

Through this trial, God revealed himself to me as:

Jehovah Jireh (The Lord our Provider)

El Roi (The God who sees)

In what unexpected ways has God revealed himself to you?

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